I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
