That's when you crack a 10am beer
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
