So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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