I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
