First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize