Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
