We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
