I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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