I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
