My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
