You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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