I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
