well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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