I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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