walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize