I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize