if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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