omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
