I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize