he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
