singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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