There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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