Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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