Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
