Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
