Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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