what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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