I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
