I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize