i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
