He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
