My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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