I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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