u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
