I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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