Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
