and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
