It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
