He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I checked into jail on foursquare
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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