so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize