I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
