my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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