Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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