Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
