Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
