he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
