Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
