I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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