May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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