I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
