there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
