Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
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