In the future we'll all be gay
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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