Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
