I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
