You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize