you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
