I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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