porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize