booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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