when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
