then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
there was a trapeze. enough said
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
