We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize