Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
