Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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