It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
you never un-have a 4some
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
