why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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