Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
