Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
