I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
