I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
