Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
