PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
