yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
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