ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
