"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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