I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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