Define "chronic" masturbator.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
