Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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