Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
