Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
