I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
