So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
