i was rollin on her like bob the builder
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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