I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Oh god it's open bar.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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