I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
