I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You ruined the universe
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
