im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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