Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
