So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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