dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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