I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize