i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
